My seductive/flirtatious mother


My seductive/flirtatious mother

At the age of 37, having never been married and always feeling deeply uncomfortable and ambivalent about my own sexuality, relationships and connections, I'm finally starting to understand that there's a hole in my soul and my understanding where a mother's love should have gone.

I'm not going to type out my full case history here, but I'll highlight a few points I think are the most important. She's never come straight out and said she wants me sexually, but there's been about a million little dots over the years, and if you connect them all, it paints a very clear and disturbing picture. She's not an idiot, though – everything has plausible deniability.

My parents' marriage was dying when I was born, and it was dead when I was in grade school. My father has been stoic, distant and emotionally closed off for as long as I've ever known him, and my mother, desperate to find an emotional connection and have someone to share all of her thoughts, feelings, concerns, frustrations and hopes with, chose me. I looked and talked like my father, and unlike him, I couldn't just leave any time I wanted to. He physically left the house before I was a teenager so I had no buffer against her advances, no one to take me under his wing and help me become a man with a father's guidance.

Just typing out this following part makes me want to puke. My Mom would tell me over and over exactly how much she loved me, in long, poetic, passionate words – that I was her rock, her teacher, her heart, the most wonderful thing that ever happened to her, a miracle, blah blah blah. She'd put her arms around me and gaze into my eyes as though I was her romantic partner, and tell me that there was nothing I could do to make her stop loving me. This never, ever made me feel comfortable, secure or cared for – honestly, it creeped me out so much I wanted to peel off my skin and run away.

Before I was a teenager, she'd tell me (obviously joking, of COURSE, duh) about how she wished she could date me – because we just "got" each other so well, you know? I enlisted in the military to get away from everything (her) and the month before I shipped off to boot camp, she took me on a vacation – just me and her, to a major American city where at one point, we both dressed up nicely for a dinner cruise on the water, the kind of thing a couple would do. It's like she wanted one last romantic trip with me before I became property of the US government. I was 17 years old and I just went along with it because I didn't know anything about relationships or boundaries. I thought I was just going to dinner with my Mom. When I think about it now with the knowledge I possess, it makes me want to chug bleach and vomit.

When I got into my twenties, I was in the military and I had grown up, bulked up and toned out. When Mom would hug me, she'd lean in kiss my neck (YUCK) and if we ran an errand, she'd say things like "I'm so proud to be going out with such a handsome young man with great biceps" (PUKE). At one point, (only JOKING again, I'm sure), she asked me a question about fellatio and even said that if I resembled my father in regards to a part of my anatomy, that I would have nothing to worry about in regards to satisfying a woman. What the hell kind of mother talks to her son that way? If a father said that to his daughter, he'd be chased out of town with baseball bats and pitchforks.

Not long enough ago, I severely limited my contact with her, but even then, when I did see her, she'd still do things that disgusted me. Last Christmas, I found out she wanted to buy me underwear as a present. Let's flip the genders again here – what would you think of a 68 year old man wanting to buy underwear for his 36 year old daughter? You'd want to slap him and ask him what the hell he thinks he's doing. One day, a few months ago, she was drunk and tried to kiss me on the mouth. After that, I told her I wanted no physical contact from her at all, whatsoever, period, from here on out.

Books I've found useful –

Silently Seduced by Kenneth Adams

The Emotional Incest Syndrome by Patricia Love

Any other suggestions are welcome.

Submitted November 18, 2018 at 12:39AM by ao_314
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Chronic Illness and/or Pain After Sexual Abuse?


Chronic Illness and/or Pain After Sexual Abuse?

Ever since I was sexually abused, I have experienced chronic head pain with absolutely no medical explanation. I have had every test imaginable and tried many medications, but nothing helps. It feels like someone is squeezing down on the top of my head with a lemon presser every day. Additionally, I am now more prone to getting colds and sore throats than I was as a child. Also, my endometriosis is constantly flaring up and causing me all sorts of health and emotional problems. Has anyone else, male or female, experienced similar issues with chronic pain and illness? If so, do you still suffer? How have you managed? Did it go away by attending therapy and coming to terms with the abuse? What's your experience?

Submitted November 17, 2018 at 07:39PM by rocker_chick1997
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Rapist was sentenced this week


Rapist was sentenced this week

I flew home this week and attended my Dad's trial. He signed a plea agreement so it wasn't too shocking when he received 20 years in prison and when he is released, if he is still alive (he'll be 84), he will be in the custody of the DOJ. My Dad abused my cousin A in the 70s, and my cousin N in the 80s. The abused occured around the age of 4 to 12. My mom knew, but he "repented" and got right with God, only to abuse me when I turned 5 in the 90s. This happened until I was 13, then he stopped. I knew and did nothing. I didn't know he had abused anyone else. This summer I found out he had been abusing my 2 daughters; (8) and my 2nd daughter for three years (7-10). He had taken videos and pictures, including himself in the videos. I sat where he couldn't see me, but I wasn't prepared for the grief that took over seeing him shackled and being led away to start his new life in prison. We have lifetime restraining orders. I'll never see or hear from him again. I'm relieved and broken. I feel like I can finally get up and get going with my life since July when we found out, but I just feel so very, very sad. My girls are finally doing better and I know this is for the best, but the conflicting feelings… Suck.

Submitted November 17, 2018 at 12:06PM by Mikakichi
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Well, my grandpa is a predator!


Well, my grandpa is a predator!

Just learned that my "grandpa" has sexually abused multiple members of family. As a survivor of sexual abuse, it's pretty fucking hard to see. While he did not abuse me, several people in the family have started coming forward about it all, and hearing it is fucking disgusting. I'm so beyond angry and hurt, I don't even know what to say.

Submitted November 17, 2018 at 02:31PM by kman0300
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Recommended Reading for my mom?


Recommended Reading for my mom?

I am 23. I live at home for now. I am having trouble because my dad sexually abused me as a kid (nothing wildly horrible but still significant) and he is now mentally and physically disabled from a brain injury. I came forward to my parents months ago and they met me with denial/skepticism. I want my mom to read a book that might explain to her where I'm coming from. Why she shouldn't just accept my dad being like "I don't remember that" as the final word on the truth. Something that explains what survivors face and how perpetrators get away with it. Or am I asking too much? How can she ever believe that the man she loves/loved did something so awful?

But he did.

Submitted November 17, 2018 at 10:27AM by landaylandho
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Anyone else feeling extremely anxious about going home for holidays?


Anyone else feeling extremely anxious about going home for holidays?

Especially those whose abuser is a relative? Naturally, I'm going home for Thanksgiving next week and feeling very anxious about it. Only person close to me that knows about my abuse is my fiancee, but I still haven't told him that my abuser was my father. Have been in therapy for a few months now trying to work up the courage to finally tell my mother that the man she's still married to molested me when he thought I was sleeping from around the ages of 10-13.

But since I've always been the good child, I have to act like everything is ok next week. Ugh, my brain just isn't ready to tell my mom yet. Really hope I can get through next week.

Submitted November 17, 2018 at 06:51AM by throwaway-firsttimer
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How has your abuse affected your sexuality?


How has your abuse affected your sexuality?

I was molested by relatives and nearly raped by one at a funeral up until I was about 11 or 12. I was sexually assaulted my entire middle school experience by schoolmates and even lost my virginity as an adult through rape. I have a complicated relationship with sexuality. I experience an extreme repulsion but i also have an extreme complusion, like I'll burn up inside if i dont have sexual contact but if I have it, I never enjoy it? Im 22 years old now and decidedly celibate since taking my shahadda but i still struggle with managing everything. I know its directly linked to my trauma but how do i make it stop ?? Has anyone experienced the same?

Submitted November 17, 2018 at 06:15AM by hydroxyzeen
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Help


Help

Trigger warning

I was abused for years first when I was a child from the age of 4-10 and then again when I was teenager from 15-17 I was in an abusive relationship and it was really bad. During the summer of 2017 I met my now boyfriend who I love more than anything and he’s really nice to me but at first we were just friends we hung out a lot, just me, him and his best friend at the time. His best friend started showing me attention and I thought that he was a nice guy they’re both kind of Nerdy so I thought OK maybe this guy is not as bad as the guys that I’ve usually chosen so I got close with his best friend and kind of thought that I had a crush on him which I now realize I didn’t I was simply lonely and depressed however at the time I told him that I liked him and he said yeah I like you too. I started telling him about how I had been used and abused in the past and I told him that everything about my body and being intimate and all that is very personal to me and I don’t to do it for fun because I really thought at the time that I was asexual. I didn’t enjoy sex I didn’t enjoy cuddles and kisses and I was a bit confused about sex. I told him everything about that, I told him that I didn’t want to fuck if he didn’t want anything else and he said “yeah I totally get that” and then we kept on being friends he came to my house we watched movies and regularly hung out. One night he started touching me and telling me that he really likes me and like the way that I look and he started touching my private areas and at first I was stopping him, “my parents are home” and whatever but he didn’t stop and it continued and we fucked and I really really fucking regret it but it happened two more times I think and then I found out that he was always talking to all of his friends on team speak about me, telling them what we did, how we did it, if he liked it, how I looked and just telling them really personal stuff. When I figured out he didn’t really like me he just wanted sex I told him that I didn’t want to see him anymore and he said I was fat and ugly and nobody would love me and that I just looked disgusting and was stupid and It really hurt my feelings. Fast forward two or three months me and the other guy who is now my boyfriend started getting closer he stops talking to his then best friend because he had no idea that he was such a nasty person but now we are in a relationship (me and the nice guy) and he is so great, he’s caring and loving and he means the world to me and we live together but I’ve started to feel really bad in the last two months or so because I told my parents and my boyfriend about the abuse that happened in my last relationship and talking about it has made it so real. I’ve been hiding it but now they know it and I feel like I can’t lie to myself that it didn’t happen because it did. I feel like I should be abused, I feel like I don’t deserve my boyfriend and it’s like my brain doesn’t understand why there’s nobody hurting me so I do it myself and I fucking hate it and I fucking hate me and I was really hoping that someone could help me because I don’t want to hurt myself I don’t want to hurt anyone I don’t want to be hurting I just need help so if anyone can talk to me, has a similar story or anything really please help me I don’t know how to stop hurting myself. I used to do it when I was little and then I stopped because someone else was doing it I guess but I don’t want to cut but it’s addicting and I guess the bottom line is I fucking hate myself and sorry about the English it’s not my first language…. I don’t know what I’m expecting I just needed to get this off my chest I don’t know who to talk to and thanks for reading.

by the way if it matters to anyone I am a girl and I’m 19

Submitted November 15, 2018 at 11:41PM by bratzdoll666
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Was I sexually abused. Did I sexually abuse someone else?


Was I sexually abused. Did I sexually abuse someone else?

Hi,

I was 5 or 6 years old, went round my neighbours house to play with my friend.

She wasn't there but her older sister (9-10ish maybe?) and her friend were there.

I played with them, and then they pushed me down and took my trousers off. One got on me and had sex, while the other watched. Then they swapped and the other one got on top of me.

The parents then came upstairs and asked what we were doing. The ringleader said were were playing princes and princesses and i agreed thinking i would be in trouble if i said we were having sex.

I got pretty upset aferwards and went home crying to my dad. I don't know what happened in the adult world about it, but i dont remember any major dramas.

I then have a memory of after that incident, maybe a week or two, of going round a different friends (female), and playing in her bedroom. I then showed this girl (my age 6 or so) how to "play princes and princesses" by having sex with her.

We then moved town and it is only after having a child of my own, and having some anxiety issues with her, that i have really remembered all of this.

I am now a 35 year old male .

Was i sexually abused?

Did i then sexually abuse someone else?

Submitted November 15, 2018 at 10:06PM by Cheeseybellend
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