My narcissistic step dad drove me to depression for three years. [vent]
Hi, so..I guess I’ll start from the beginning. But before I do this I want to put a disclaimer that things have changed since this time and I am now happy and in a good place. I move out in a year. I have never shared my full story to anyone. I hope this helps someone. When I refer to “ndad” it means narcissistic dad.
It all started when I was in about the fifth grade, I moved out of my grandmas and into my parents home. (Not by choice). My step dad has bipolar disorder, narcissism, and a fucked up past to boot. But I don’t think that makes his actions inexcusable. Over the years he would hit my siblings, (I have five) spank them with belts, scream at them, and me. I don’t remember getting hit. However one time I got in an arguement and he held me up to a wall by my throat. Over my little brother using my DS. Another he dragged me up the stairs by my hair to do chores before my homework. My mom just sat there. And said nothing. I love my mom, but I resent how cowardly she used to be. She wouldn’t stand up for us. My Nstepdad would steal money from my mom, but her, choke her, all unknown to me at the time. He was damn good at hiding it. Our house was deplorable. We moved about once a year but that’s all it took for our houses to get disgusting. There would be mountains of mildewed (and when we got pets, covered in shit) laundry. I had to sort through it and wash it. As if that would help anything. I had to do chores like any normal kid, which is all fine, until you would see the way our living conditions were. The houses always smelled like Rot and feces. There was a toilet that stopped working and caked with shit and bugs that nobody would clean. I got screamed at and had things taken away for “half-assing” my chores. There were times when I would get pulled out of bed at 2 am to do dishes. I lived in constant anxiety for doing something wrong. By this point I was in eighth grade. I was a fucking kid. And my Nstepdad expected everything from me. I was left to babysit five kids at the age of 13. My grades dropped due to depression and suffering the (abuse?) I went through. I never was allowed to go out much and they blamed it on my grades. But I was still miserable. I needed some sort of escape from that hellhole. If i couldn’t handle any of the workload put on me my Ndad would give me sob stories of how shitty he had it as a kid and that I should be “grateful”. I was hardly allowed to go see my friends or boyfriend. I would get one night over at a friends if I was lucky, then when I got back I would get guilt tripped for being gone. My Nstepdad yelled at me once over my friends death. He told me to get over it. He said all this because I was crying over her instead of cleaning. He made me feel guilty if I asked for rides anywhere. He got arrested multiple times for domestic abuse towards my mom. It was a fucking nightmare. This lasted until tenth grade. My dad missed my youngest sisters birth when he was in jail. When he came back a few months later..he changed. He no longer did any of this. He treats everyone better now, but still had anger issues. I am always still scared of getting in trouble for something. I jump when people open my door. I still feel scared to go out with friends for long periods of time because I don’t want to be guilt tripped. Although nothing has happened yet I am still fearful. I am in eleventh grade now. Soon I’ll be out of here. And somehow, I feel guilty for hating my Nstepdad. The years this happened it was hammered into me I was being treated just fine. I don’t know how to get over it yet. I still have trouble calling what I went through as abuse as I was never given bruises or marks. I haven’t had a friend to my house since seventh grade because of how our houses conditions always end up. Anyways, that’s my story. And I hope this helped someone. You’re not alone. It’s hard, but we can all make it through this together. Thank you for reading my story.
Submitted November 30, 2018 at 09:54PM by unidentifiedfornow