Someone please help me out: was I molested??


Someone please help me out: was I molested??

So, I haven't seen a therapist about this yet because frankly, I'm scared that this wasn't CSA and I'm just a fucking weirdo or something. I'm hoping someone here can give me some insight?

Anyway, here goes.

When we were kids, my parents would often leave my older brother and I home alone for long stretches of time. We used to be pretty close, but then we eventually grew apart. Looking back, I see us growing apart coincided with him asking me to do sexual things with him. He would grab my (barely developing) breasts, touch my genitals both through and under my pants, expose his genitals to me, and sometimes take my hand and put it on his penis. There was at least one time where he told me to give him a handjob, and I am mortified to say I gave him (most of) one before I chickened out and ran away.

The earliest incident I can remember was when I was 10 and he was 12, but I don't know if that was really the first time, because the incidents were spread out over at least 2 years, and my memories of most of them are pretty foggy. So it's possible there were some earlier ones that I'm forgetting.

Here's why I'm doubtful: I think I technically did consent (sometimes in that I didn't say no, sometimes because I thought I should), so if it was molestation, it would have to be based on power dynamics. RAINN says that a sibling is in a position of power if they are at least 3 years older; my brother was TECHNICALLY born 3 years before me, but he's a December kid and I'm a January kid, so it's more like 2 years + one month. It's so borderline and we are so close in age that I don't really know – the only reason it is suspicious to me in the first place is because a few months ago, I had the epiphany that 10-year-olds can't consent.

I don't know, I wish there was a cut-and-dry answer, but there isn't, and that drives me insane. I'm scared if I tell someone, they'll tell me that it's not assault. But honestly, I'm even more scared that they'll tell me what I think is true – and I'm not sure I can handle the implications of that.

Submitted November 30, 2018 at 02:09AM by itsRAINNingmen
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Someone please help me out: was I molested??


Someone please help me out: was I molested??

So, I haven't seen a therapist about this yet because frankly, I'm scared that this wasn't CSA and I'm just a fucking weirdo or something. I'm hoping someone here can give me some insight?

Anyway, here goes.

When we were kids, my parents would often leave my older brother and I home alone for long stretches of time. We used to be pretty close, but then we eventually grew apart. Looking back, I see us growing apart coincided with him asking me to do sexual things with him. He would grab my (barely developing) breasts, touch my genitals both through and under my pants, expose his genitals to me, and sometimes take my hand and put it on his penis. There was at least one time where he told me to give him a handjob, and I am mortified to say I gave him (most of) one before I chickened out and ran away.

The earliest incident I can remember was when I was 10 and he was 12, but I don't know if that was really the first time, because the incidents were spread out over at least 2 years, and my memories of most of them are pretty foggy. So it's possible there were some earlier ones that I'm forgetting.

Here's why I'm doubtful: I think I technically did consent (sometimes in that I didn't say no, sometimes because I thought I should), so if it was molestation, it would have to be based on power dynamics. RAINN says that a sibling is in a position of power if they are at least 3 years older; my brother was TECHNICALLY born 3 years before me, but he's a December kid and I'm a January kid, so it's more like 2 years + one month. It's so borderline and we are so close in age that I don't really know – the only reason it is suspicious to me in the first place is because a few months ago, I had the epiphany that 10-year-olds can't consent.

I don't know, I wish there was a cut-and-dry answer, but there isn't, and that drives me insane. I'm scared if I tell someone, they'll tell me that it's not assault. But honestly, I'm even more scared that they'll tell me what I think is true – and I'm not sure I can handle the implications of that.

Submitted November 30, 2018 at 02:09AM by itsRAINNingmen
via reddit

Telling my mom tonight


Telling my mom tonight

Tonight I'm gonna tell my mom about the abuse I endured in my high school relationship. It's not as awful as some of the things you guys have endured, but it has taken its toll on me. Months of manipulation, coercion, pressure, making me feel worth only one thing, culminating in what I look back on and recognize as rape.

It's been affecting my ability to be intimate with my fiance and could be contributing to my depression/anxiety. The only people who know are my therapist, my fiance, and my very best friend.

Telling my mom is a huge step in my healing. I'm so scared of what she'll say. She walked in just after the rape and saw things that scarred her. She called me horrible things.

I am so scared of being blamed and unbelieved. I'm scared of being told it was my fault or that it wasn't really abuse and rape. But I know telling my mom is a step I have to take for my healing.

My fiance will be on standby if I need to leave the situation. He's so proud of me for taking this step. He's been reassuring me of my mother's love and preparing me for anger because she loves me so much and will be enraged for me.

This is one of the scariest things I've ever had to do. But I'm tired of living alone in the shadow. I'm ready to start the healing.

Submitted November 29, 2018 at 08:26PM by queensnow725
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Found out my abuser still asks how I’m doing


Found out my abuser still asks how I’m doing

I overheard a conversation my dad was having with another family member and found out one of my abusers still asks how I’m doing. My abuser was my own brother so thus why he’s still in contact with our father. I’m laughing at the fact he still asks because I could care less about what he’s doing. This might sound harsh but if someone told me he died or got into an accident, I’d be like “lmao okay and?” like I do not care about him at all. He’s trash to me. A few years ago, he sent a letter asking for forgiveness and said he was sorry but did I ever reply back? Heck no!

In a way, I’m kinda creeped out because him asking probably means he thinks about me from time to time and I don’t like that.

Submitted November 29, 2018 at 10:23AM by limonglow
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Rambling/venting


Rambling/venting

Over the past few months I’ve been remembering more and more details about my CSA one thing that has been particularly nerve wracking for me lately is that I remember this man had a daughter my age, and I can’t remember much about her. I keep finding myself wondering if he did the same things to her, I wonder if he did this to another child after me. And then I feel guilty, and blaming myself for this possibility. What if he abused another child because I was no longer available to him? My nightmares are becoming more frequent, and I feel like the shame and the guilt are becoming so much heavier, I don’t know how to cope. I’d really like to be able to discuss this with my psychiatrist, and I’m working on it, I just have such a hard time putting this stuff out there in person. It’s all so hard to think about, and even harder to say out loud.

Submitted November 29, 2018 at 10:24AM by _idealixtic
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I need advice/help


I need advice/help

I'm sorry if this is the wrong place for this.

Hi, I'm 18, and currently in my freshman year of collage. I have been abused in more ways than I can count throughout my life i.e. berating me for the littlest things, venting sexual frustrations on me, seeking relationship advice, letting me live in a roach infested house that is falling apart, not bothering to look after my hygiene or health when I was small, etc. It is for these reasons that I want to cut off my family and my current life entirely so I can start anew.

But I don't know how to start, if it's even possible. My mother's name is on my school loans, I still heavily rely on them financially (insurance and health bills are a bitch), and I don't want to be found, tracked, or followed. I want to change my name and get the fuck out of dodge. I know I need to have my birth certificate, my SSC, and my id/driver's license adjusted, and other things, but the paper trail risk is killing me. To make matters worse, I cannot drive or even ride a bike, so I'm stuck for now.

I'll be fine with waiting a couple years. I've made it this far, a little longer won't kill me, probably…

Who I am now needs to be disposed of as soon as I am able.

If you could give me any advice or just throw me a bone in any way, I would greatly appreciate it. Thanks.

Submitted November 29, 2018 at 09:08AM by Dirniskron
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Advice: Should I discuss my situation?


Advice: Should I discuss my situation?

I(28M) was abused when I was a kid by two different women. One of them used sex as punishment (when I was 3-4), which led to me beign uncomfortable around women and avoiding them. But I'm liking a girl and want to date her.

My question is: should I tell her about my situation? I don't want to scare her. But I'm afraid that if I kiss her she'll know I had never kissed anyone before and that she'll wonder why.

Thank you in advance for your input. 🙂

Submitted November 29, 2018 at 09:27AM by accountslinger
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When does icky stuff turn into covert sexual abuse?


When does icky stuff turn into covert sexual abuse?

So I was abused by my mother mentally and financially and neglected as a kid by her. I moved out before turning 16. But sometimes I think about some other stuff she did. Is this covert sexual abuse or am I overreacting by thinking about this stuff as "icky"? Some of the stuff she did:

  • Helping me and my sisters play a porn game when I was 6-8.
  • Trying to make me watch show's for adults and making fun of me when I didn't want to watch sexual scenes when I was 6-11.
  • Having very loud and rough sex with random men when I was home when I was 11-15.
  • Telling me about her wet dream when I was like 13.
  • Telling me about her sex adventures when I was around 13 and that I might be some random dude's kid, not my father's, when I was 13.
  • Telling me how she's been messaging with some politician man and that "You're the one I can trust" when I was like 13.
  • Commenting how my boobs aren't as big as hers or my sisters' in front of the whole family when I was like 13.
  • Saying that we should make stuffed animal porn for money (we were poor) when I was like 13.
  • Walking around the house naked a lot when I was 11-15.

I don't know why but as a kid I was overly sexual, doing sexual things with my slightly older neighbour when I was 6-9 and teaching my friend how to masturbate. I was sexually harassed by my classmate between ages 9-11. And since then I've had violent sexual fantasies where I'm the victim. I don't want to act them out though. I used to masturbate until I hurt myself when I was 11-15. I was also in an abusive relationship at 17-22 in which I was coerced/forced to have sex a shit ton and raped a few times. I didn't know what a healthy relationship was.

Anyway, am I overreacting by thinking my mother was covertly sexually abusive?

Submitted November 29, 2018 at 02:58AM by kilimomo
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