Apparently it’s my fault
I was abused by my moms boyfriend as a child, I’ve always strongly felt it was somehow my fault. I’ve been talking to my psychiatrist about this for a bit, and we talk about how it wasn’t my fault. Well today, in a heated email discussion with my mom she said she thinks it’s my fault too. Or perhaps I should use her wordage “I was home most of the time when it was happening but u never came to get me or called out for me so I’m not sure what u expected to happen…im not sure why u make such a big deal about it u always have to be the victim dont u? U wanted the attention I wasn’t the best mom but u always needed to be the center of attention he gave u what u wanted at the time and now u feel guilty that’s not my fault. Things were gonna get better we were gonna get clean we could have had a good life I’m sorry u have bad dreams now u just need to let go.” While I’m not surprised she wrote me that, I’m absolutely shattered. I feel like this just confirms my deepest fears. I don’t remember ever being as ashamed and insecure as I am in this moment. If my own mother thinks it’s my fault, what’s the point.
Submitted December 07, 2018 at 10:17AM by _idealixtic