Weekly Casual Chat Thread


Weekly Casual Chat Thread

Please use this thread to discuss whatever is on your mind.

Please also make sure to use Trigger Warning/TW if you're posting anything that might be upsetting to read.

Thanks!

Submitted December 10, 2018 at 09:42PM by AutoModerator
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Weekly Casual Chat Thread


Weekly Casual Chat Thread

Please use this thread to discuss whatever is on your mind.

Please also make sure to use Trigger Warning/TW if you're posting anything that might be upsetting to read.

Thanks!

Submitted December 10, 2018 at 09:42PM by AutoModerator
via reddit

My story. Questioning if I am really am a victim.


My story. Questioning if I am really am a victim.

I was circumcised in the third grade.

Some time at the age of 10 I told my mom it burned when I peed. She took me to the doctor which then turned into a later appointment to a specialist. The final diagnosis was that my foreskin was restrictive and causing infections. When I was born the doctors could not perform the circumcision due to my small size. I heard at one point that it was because I was born 2 weeks early. I dont think the 2 weeks would have made me any bigger maybe I just had a small penis.

So I was going to have the surgery. There were several doctors appointments at the local children hospital. I would go with my father after school and would be examined by the doctor. Which include me standing up and dropping my pants so the doctor could look and touch my groin area. I remember at least 5 visits and I was not examined every time. Yes it was medical and in no way sexual but it these were very stressful appointments for a young boy. Sometime my father would have to leave me there to pickup the rest of my sibling from school or my mom from work. I remember having to ask a resident doctor how to pee into a cup for testing. lol

Was told I would be in recovery for 2 week and I wouldn't be able to wear pant. My mother being the worst person on the planet scheduled the surgery for Christmas vacation so I wouldn't miss any school. The day before surgery I couldn't eat. Got to the hospital the next morning. In a room and had doctors and nurses checking up on me. Got dressed in a gown and laid in bed till it was time. Wheeled into the operating room. The nurse puts the mask on me and tells me to count backwards from 10. I wake up back in the hospital room with a iv in my arm and bandages around my penis. Some time later I get dressed and wheeled to the car. Anything that touched me caused intense pain.

Maybe the next day or the day after I was back at the hospital to have the bandages changed. In a room by myself and female resident is there to remove the bandages. I had some interaction with her before. So i lay down on the table and pull down my pants. As she starts to remove the bandages I start to scream at the top of my lungs. I was crying and screaming to stop but she never did. I grabbed her hand and tried to pull it away but I wasn't strong enough. I remember a glove hand picking off stuck lint and that hurting the most. I was so exhausted afterwards and was probably in shock. So I was in a room alone with an adult I didn't know very well. Who was touching my sex organ, causing extreme pain while screaming for it to stop. Its a situation that is very similar to other stories I have read.

The two weeks recovery ended up being four. I missed some school and I lied to my friends and teachers about why I was gone for those two weeks. My parents told me not to tell anyone so I had to lie. Being behind the rest of the class in the lessons was also very stressful. I felt a lot of shame and embarrassment about the whole situation. I always rejected the idea that I was a victim. Being that it was in a medical context some how invalidated the severity or the possibility that it was abuse. Maybe I am in denial so I wanted to ask others their opinion.

Submitted December 10, 2018 at 11:12AM by ASDQWDBGAsdasd
via reddit

Holiday Hell?


Holiday Hell?

Anyone else out there having a particularly hard time coping this holiday season? It took me 33 years to be able to finally connect the dots of all of my personality and psychological issues stemming from childhood trauma and to start actively recognizing it and trying to adjust. This year I’m having a particularly hard time being around people, connecting, feeling happy, even remembering simple things. I’m on extreme edge and everyone around me seems to think I’m just being a selfish asshole. I really need support but I look for it in people that cannot/will not understand or give what I’m asking. Any tips?

Submitted December 10, 2018 at 04:03AM by Throwaway19850124
via reddit

Talk Abuse Talk Awareness


Talk Abuse Talk Awareness

Hey there!

So, my best friend and I are uni students, and my friend went through abuse from a guy she was seeing about 6 months ago. She escaped from him with no help from the police, the uni didn't expell her abuser but they did support her a lot, and her mental health has changed dramatically because of the things he put her through.

She got annoyed that there isn't as much support online for people who have been through certain types of abuse. A lot of online support is around domestic abuse, sexual assault, child abuse and bullying, but none for "a person I trusted used me and attacked me for months on end." And because of this, and the social idea of what abuse is, people are less willing to help. If my friend's abuser was her boyfriend, then everyone would have acted differently. But it was just a guy she was seeing; a friend.

So, with her frustration, my friend started up an online network for those who are looking for advice, a safe place to talk freely, and to make friends with other abuse victims and survivors. It's called 'Talk Abuse Talk Awareness', and she has pages on Facebook, Instagram and Tumblr that people can connect on.

My friend has been campaigning quite a lot to try and get this community out there, because she wants to help those affected by abuse, and to educate society about the misconceptions and the truths about abuse. My friend has done photoshoots with my other friends in a campaign dubbed "My confidence is not your consent," and she is sticking the posters made from the photoshoots around our university campus.

So, real talk: I'm making this post right now cause she asked me to see if I can find as artists who would help out with the campaign. Now, I am fully aware of how frustrating it is for people to beg artists for work. I've lived in the online artist community for a while and it's the bane of our existence. I told my friend that she would most likely get "no" as an answer from a lot of artists if we were to ask on an artist subreddit, so that's why I'm posting here. Because even though she wants artists, I believe it is more important that Talk Abuse Talk Awareness is known about and that people know there is a place to talk openly about any sort of abuse, or just a place to go to educate yourself more about abuse and survivors.

So yeah, if you happen to be/know an artist and would be interested in helping out the campaign with free art, then you're a star! And if you're like most artists and want commission, then I don't blame you. My friend and I are filmmakers, and we know making an entire film for free sounds ridiculous.

Sorry about the art begging. Ugh, hate myself for doing it. But it's more important that you know about the network. Talk Abuse Talk Awareness is on Facebook, Instagram and Tumblr.

Thank you guys!

(Note to Admins: Feel free to delete this post if you don't want it here or you feel like it goes against any rules of this subreddit. I understand how annoying posts like this are, so feel free, and by any means message me if you would like any more information about Talk Abuse Talk Awareness, if you need it's authenticity clarifying. Thank you 😊)

Submitted December 10, 2018 at 04:49AM by StoryQueen97
via reddit

Tryin to find a good subreddit for one of my untold stories.


Tryin to find a good subreddit for one of my untold stories.

I really wanna get this out because I just can't say it out loud. I hate my mom and family for never truely acknowledging the extent of what a step-dad put me through for years and nobody noticed a thing. I remember one time I forgot to feed and water the dogs after school, I think I may have been 9 or 10. It was kinda cold and raining. When he got home after dark and found out, he made me go do it. on my way back in he poured a gallon bucket of ice water on my head from the window and locked me out the house. After about 5 mins he told me "now that's how the dogs feel, strip naked and you can come in"….. I didn't wanna take my clothes off but I was cold and I was scared he'd come outside and beat the shit out of me if I didn't. Once naked he opens the door for me but tells me to sit down at the table and gives me a napkin to cover my penis and what not. Then he says that's probably too big, you've got a tiny dick (as an adult I do not have a small penis, it's slight larger than average and was probably average at the time, nevertheless I'm still self conscious and ashamed of my body to this day 20 years later). I know he didn't sexually abuse me but it messed me up, I don't really remember what else happened besides he made me eat like that and I'm sure he beat me after. It was like that for about 3 or 4 years, it's all a blur. yes he went to court, but for beating my mom. nobody ever really talked about it, nobody ever got me any help. I just sank further inside myself and continually ruined my life into adulthood. nothing has ever changed…. I finally realized today that I guess my mom and family were always too self absorbed by their own problems to think I ever needed help…. If you read this long, thank you. I've never told that story to a soul and probably never will in real life. Not even sure if I'll live to ever get past it.

Submitted December 09, 2018 at 10:48PM by Shattered_Persona
via reddit

Am I making things worse for myself by writing about abuse?


Am I making things worse for myself by writing about abuse?

I was abused and neglected as a kid and then was in an abusive relationship where I was abused mentally, physically and sexually and raped. It's been some years since we broke up and now I'm in a new relationship.

I really like to write about what happened and read other people's stories about the abuse they went through to find other people who have been through the same as me. My new SO said that because I keep writing about what happened I'm not getting over it. I felt very offended because it's like he's telling me to keep quiet about what happened. Am I really making things worse by writing about it?

Submitted December 09, 2018 at 04:14AM by kilimomo
via reddit

Struggling with abuse from a year ago


Struggling with abuse from a year ago

36 year old man from Michigan. Last spring I started talking to a friend of my Exwife, a gay college professor who is nearly a decade older than me, and right out of the gate he let me know that despite finding me attractive he wasn’t going to hit on me or “be that creepy old guy”. I took him at his word because I had no reason not to and he seemed like a really nice guy. I had just gone through a really bad breakup and I felt like I needed a male friend to hang out with so that there would be clear boundaries, since I’m straight, that way I wouldn’t rebound with someone.

He had an African American studies class he was teaching in the summer and he asked me if I wanted to come to it, contribute in hopes of helping the students feel more comfortable talking, and he’d get me dinner and we’d hang out after. I jumped at the idea because the subject interested me and I felt this would be a nice, much needed, stable routine for me. This way I could be prosocial, I wouldn’t isolate, I could help him, and we could have fun.

We’d watch movies in the university’s classes with large screens, we’d go to Qdoba or Noodles and Co for dinner, and we’d hang out and chain smoke and talk about any and everything. It was really nice and eventually we even started engaging in more creative pursuits like critiquing each other’s poetry (not really a thing I’m that into but from time to time I feel compelled to). It felt so good to have someone who valued me for me and it wasn’t transactional or a desire based relationship; I hadn’t had a platonic relationship that was stable in a long time.

I told him that he could have an extremely small amount of an opiate medication I had, just enough to keep him from being violently ill, only because he’s overweight, has Lyme disease, said his kidneys were dying, wouldn’t go to the hospital, and also claimed his heart was significantly enlarged. He would get help and I was worried the stress might kill him. But instead of taking what I gave him, and pumping the brakes, he opted to drink full pint glasses of tequila throughout the afternoon.

Toward the evening he asked me to watch some movies with him. He said he knew it was difficult for me to watch him going through this and said he was going to get beer and I had to drink some with him so he felt less awkward. After watching the movies he was drunk enough that he started crying about his childhood. I went over to hug him and support him…

…and he started kissing my neck. But not just kissing my neck, he had his entire mouth open like a sucker fish. Eventually I moved across the room, still awkwardly talking out of confusion, and I assumed this would embarrass him enough to make him stop. I mean I was visibly embarrassed and started talking about how I needed to leave. He resumed acting normal and starting talking about my trauma as well which, so flustered, made me start crying.

He came over to hug me, sat me down next to him… and did the EXACT SAME THING! But this time when I pulled away he put his hand on my crotch. I can’t actually tell you what he said, or what he asked, but I think we all know what kind of weird it was. I told him I had to leave and was just acting exasperated instead of angry. He said something like “are we going to talk about how you’re responsible for what happened?” and I left.

I tried over and over to block this out of my head. To say it was merely someone who was too messed up. To tell myself “it wasn’t him”. I kept helping him with things here and there, which he’d pay me for, as I was too poor to turn him down. But it turned out I wouldn’t even need to end the friendship because he called me this summer rambling and threatening to call the police on me.

I felt so badly for him I didn’t want to cause more problems because he was struggling so much… but it turns out his kidneys were fine. His heart too. I honestly wonder how much of what he’s said was true. I think he’s just an unmedicated bipolar guy with delusions but that doesn’t explain away his predatory behavior.

I’m with a wonderful girl now who I’m in a serious relationship with and that goes a long way toward removing the shiftiness from my life. I’d spent years sorting out my head so that I could be with someone and not rely on them for my happiness, so it’s stable and fun and wonderful. But what he did keeps creeping into my head and bothering me at the worst moments. There isn’t really anything I can do in terms of him I don’t think… confronting him isn’t probably going to do me any favors… but it’s really been messing with my head of late. I just felt like I needed to put it out into the world in hopes of getting it out of my head.

This kind of thing has happened a number of times with girls and that’s why I was hanging out with a guy. I was SO sure that he would respect my boundaries because he knew I wasn’t any level of interested but obviously he didn’t. It hurts so much to get abused by someone when you’re trying to help them and be their friend. I dunno. Thanks for reading.

Submitted December 09, 2018 at 04:39AM by imdoneplus
via reddit

How to stop empathy completely? It hurts too much to use it because I allow viewpoint of my abusers to be right.


How to stop empathy completely? It hurts too much to use it because I allow viewpoint of my abusers to be right.

I survived childhood sexual abuse, and emotional and physical abuse in school.

I still get emotionally abused every single day by people.

Recently I began using word "psychopath" to describe myself just to wear a cool label in spite of what the abusive world says I am. Word "psychopath" gives people a sensation that the person with this descriptor is strong and independent. So in the morning I was like "I am not medically pathological, but using this label gives me a sense of internal peace because I am incapable of experiencing empathy".

But there is also logical empathy which doesn't require feels. Like it is more of a measurement tool.

So now I am basically trying to understand viewpoint of people who abused me, and get to logical reasons why I am stupid, faggot, retarded, useless, etc. This is not only at conflict with who I used to be in the first half of the day, but also gives me logic to commit suicide.

I guess I just have an unstable sense of self or some kind of personality disorder.

But empathy is useless now still! I want to fix myself before I can understand others.

Submitted December 09, 2018 at 02:53AM by electricplanesodium
via reddit

My parents seem to guilt trip me [vent]


My parents seem to guilt trip me [vent]

My parents always say how they can't parents perfectly and that I'm blaming them for all my problems and how they know I won't visit them when I'm old then my mother proceeds to tell me that she is going to move out because she hates me so much (she didn't move out). My dad said I was tearing the family apart and how I needed professional help. They both called me names like 'easy' and 'stupid' multiple times. They didn't acknowledge that I was suicidal bc of them. Idk what to do.

Submitted December 08, 2018 at 08:56PM by ponitu
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